Title: NEW: Process of Elimination: Board FAQ Author: mimic117 Email: mimic117@yahoo.com Rating: NC-17 for bawdy thoughts and language. Category: S, V, H, Scully POV Spoilers: None for the show. However, this is officially the third part of a series of stories, which currently should be read in this order - POE: Hot Scrunchy Love by XochiLuvr, this story, then Process of Elimination. For some unknown reason, XL and I seem to think we're George Lucas or something because I started with the last story, then he wrote the first one, and now I'm doing the one in the middle. You can probably understand these if you read them out of order, too. Your choice. Summary: It's hard to keep track of the important things without a list. Keywords: MSR Archive: I'd be surprised if anyone really wanted this little bit of weirdness, but if you do, go 'head. I'll do Gossamer and Ephemeral myself, but anyone else is free to have at it. Disclaimer: Sheee yeah, right! Not *even* in my dreams. Author's Notes: It's all XL's fault! I'm not kidding! He wanted to know what's on Scully's list, so I HAD to write this. I didn't want to! He made me do it! Thanks: To XL and Cindy for the quicksilver beta and general ootching. Feedback: Is printed out, fawned over, and stroked to tatters at mimic117@yahoo.com Visit all my fics at http://surfacing.com/mimic117/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Process of Elimination: Board FAQ by mimic117 Don't get me wrong. The last month has been wonderful. Who wouldn't love being the center of Fox Mulder's attention? The man certainly knows how to make a woman feel cherished. I've never been loved within an inch of my life the way I have these past few weeks. I'm not complaining. I'm just a bit worried about being able to hold his interest, considering how varied those interests are. I'd always suspected that Mulder was more adventurous than me. Seeing my partner sitting on his couch with a hair scrunchy wrapped around his family inheritance just hammered home how differently our minds work. The entire drive to Mulder's apartment after he called me last month was agony. He tried to keep the pain out of his voice, but I could tell that something was very wrong. He wouldn't say what -- just that he needed me there right away and I should bring my medical bag. Not a good sign. I raced out the door before the phone receiver hit the cradle and sped through the streets, stamping down one horrific image after another. Mulder shot and bleeding. Mulder stabbed and bleeding. Mulder unconscious and bleeding. All my imaginings seemed to revolve around blood for some reason. Probably the memory of previous dashes to Mulder's apartment. Finding him sitting on his couch, obviously not bleeding, was almost a letdown. By that point, my blood was about eighty percent adrenaline and my body was rigged for explosive medical intervention. All the chemicals coursing through my veins must have put me on overload, because when I found out what the real problem was, I did something totally out of character for me -- I laughed. Not so much at the idea of Mulder sitting there with his penis turning purple under a blue polka-dot scrunchy, but because I was so relieved that he wasn't going to die at any moment. And while I say I laughed, I beg to differ with Mulder's perfect memory. I certainly didn't do anything as unseemly as laughing until I cried, or clutching my sides in mirth. And I definitely didn't giggle. But I do admit to laughing. Which I have apologized for several times. In different, pleasurable ways. My first apology, after I managed to release him from his self- imposed tourniquet, was to help him relieve what was obviously a rather painful condition. Okay, so that sounds pretty clinical. I have to confess that I wasn't feeling very doctor-like at the time. All I could see was my partner's enormous hard-on that I was dying to touch. I had to hold it anyway while I cut the scrunchy off, so what's a little more touching between friends? Considering that Mulder was pretty much incapable of doing anything for himself while he was still writhing in pain, it seemed the charitable thing to give him a hand. Literally. The fact that I was getting wet from the very idea didn't come into it. Much. I really was concerned that he'd end up with a monumental case of blue balls if he didn't come soon. I'm not even clear in my own mind why I took off my blouse and bra. I guess adrenaline wasn't the only thing running through my veins. With Mulder sitting so close, naked, not objecting to me caressing his erection, all I could think of was making skin contact wherever I could. Pressing my bare breasts against his thighs sounded like a good idea at the time. I think all the blood rushing south was making me a little giddy. The whole reason behind the mishap was rather sweet in a Mulderish way. Trust a man to think that jet-lag coupled with near exhaustion after a difficult case equals sexual dysfunction. And trust Mulder to find the worst possible way to remedy that erroneous hypothesis. The fact that he was thinking about me at the time probably just made things worse. He's lucky he called when he did. Too much longer with that scrunchy cutting off his circulation and he wouldn't have needed a lot of surgery to change sexes. I did caution him about ever attempting something like that again before helping him to find the relief he needed. So I toyed with him a little bit first. It's not like I deliberately kept him from reaching orgasm. It just seemed prudent to go slowly, in case he was overstimulated. That can be just as painful in the long run as not coming at all. So I took him to the edge a couple of times and backed off. But when he finally came, it was the most erotic thing I've ever seen. The look on his face combined with the sounds he was making, the feel of him in my hand, the smell of his sweat and the taste as he erupted into my mouth... It was just too much for me. I had to have him. I'd been lusting after Mulder for a long time, and being in that place, at that time, doing what I was doing, was just too much for my self control. I took off the rest of my clothes and we spent the remainder of the day alternately making love and waiting until we could do it again. As I said, the last month has been wonderful. Still, the more I've thought about it since, the more I worry that I won't be adventurous enough for him. I'm not terribly creative when it comes to sex. Three or four different positions to choose from, vary the speed of thrusting, a little nipple stimulation, and I'm happy. But just in the few weeks we've been together, I've come to realize that Mulder likes different things. Not necessarily gross or kinky things, but his is a curious mind. It likes to ask "what if?" and then find out. What if he sat in a chair and I sat on his lap? What if it was a rocking chair? What if he bent me over the washing machine while it was running? What if he wrapped a hair scrunchy around his dick and then got an erection? I realize that last one wasn't a deliberate experiment, but it got me to thinking. Which is why I'm sitting at my computer, looking through sex sites. Not downright porn, of course. I'm a federal officer. It wouldn't be right for me to support internet porn by accessing the sites. But I'm definitely not letting Frohike or Langly near my computer until I wipe the history clean. Byers is too much of a gentleman to snoop, but I wouldn't put it past the others to email Mulder with a list of sites I've been visiting. They're really not "bad" bad sites. Just the type of thing I'd prefer to keep to myself. This isn't easy for me. I've never had a lover who wanted anything beyond on-the-bed-in-a-standard-position sex. One part of me is titillated by the idea of being daring, while another part of me is aghast that I would even consider doing anything outside the missionary position. That must be the latent Catholic part. I'm trying as hard as I can to smash it into a dark corner of my mind. I'm an adult, with needs and desires for a man who loves me more than anyone I've ever known. I can do whatever I want within the bounds of good taste and personal preference. So why do I keep looking over my shoulder to make sure my mother doesn't burst into my apartment and catch me viewing porn? Ah. I think I've finally found what I'm looking for. It's called "The Spice of Life." It appears to be filled with advice on how to keep the zing in your relationship. I don't think there's any danger that we've lost that special spark yet, but maybe I can get some ideas that will surprise Mulder and keep him guessing. They have a place for visitors to post suggestions that have worked for them, as well the usual Cosmo-type articles on how to add variety to your sex life. I think I'll take the reader suggestions with a large grain of salt. Some of these look a bit extreme, if not downright dangerous. I wonder if this is the type of place where Mulder got the idea for his scrunchy fiasco? Look at this stuff! I'll never remember all of these ideas. Hang on. Where's a pen? I think it's time for a list. Now, what looks interesting, without being too kinky or likely to damage something I'm fond of? Let's start with the breath mints. I never knew they could be so versatile. Look at all the different brands you can use. Altoids. Breath Savers. Listerine Strips. Mentholyptus cough drops?! I suppose it has something to do with the mint oil. Oh. This article says not to use the oil itself -- too strong. I'll have to remember that. It says to hold a mint in your mouth until it melts, then give him a blow job. Alternate the mint on his skin with blowing cool air on him. I'll bet that creates quite a temperature contrast. And they say you can get the same effect by swallowing a mouthful of cognac, too. A nice, home-cooked meal, some candle light, soft music, a clingy dress with no underwear, a bottle of cognac after dinner... Okay, that's a good start. Pop Rocks? What the hell are those? Huh. Candy bits that explode in your mouth due to being manufactured with carbon dioxide. I would think scientists had better things to do with their time. I'll bet that stings a bit if they're cracking and popping against your skin. I'll have to get some and see what they're like first. I want to surprise Mulder -- not scare him into fits. Hey, there's that scrunchy idea. I wonder what Mulder did wrong? "Be sure the hair piece is big enough to accommodate the penis without being too tight. It should only be applied after an erection has been achieved in order to avoid undue constriction. You're aiming to delay orgasm here, not cause permanent damage." Two strikes, Mulder. A child's hair scrunchy on an adult-sized dip stick before it was primed. Maybe I'd better make sure all my hair care products are out of sight from now on. No telling what he might find to do with a spring clip. Next we have dildoes. Pretty common, I'd say. Whoa! What is *that*?! I don't think that one is anatomically accurate, no matter what they say. Any woman who got used to one that size would never be satisfied with a normal man again. Or maybe that's the idea.... Anal vibrators. There's a thought. I wonder if Mulder's ever had anal sex. As in being on the receiving end. He's an intrepid sort. I'll put that down on the list. Maybe using one of my own vibrators for external stimulation would be a good starting point. There's no way I'm going into a sex shop and buying an anal toy. He'll have to make due with something from my stash or my fingers. The sun must have come out. It's getting awfully warm in here. What else? Bondage? I don't know about that. We seem to spend an awful lot of our time being tied up by one psycho or another. It might be too much like a normal work day. Then again, we do own the handcuffs... Better put that one at the bottom of the list. Mirror play. That might be fun. Watching myself touching Mulder's skin, running my hands over his gorgeous gluteous maximus, the sculpted trapezius, those firm deltoids.... Right. That's a winner. I wonder if Mom still has that full-length chevel mirror from my old room? Massages. Definitely. Massages with scented body oil. Sounds nice. Massages with *edible* body oil. Even better! There are some very lickable places on Mulder's body that would be even tastier flavored. I wonder if they carry these at that new Ambiance store in the mall? Let's see what they've got for positions. The Wheelbarrow?! Well, it's certainly an appropriate name. Even as in-shape as we both are, I don't think that's one I want to try. Hmmm.... Me on top, facing his feet. That's interesting. I wonder how that feels. Maybe I should try some new positions first before I jump into anything more daring. I don't know why I'm bothering to worry about positions, anyway. Mulder probably has an autographed copy of the Kama Sutra. Role playing? As in The Horny Professor and The Graduate Assistant? Well, Mulder is awfully hot looking with his glasses on.... Okay. Role playing is a definite maybe. For later. Much, much later. Fun With Food. Oh yeah. I'll bet I can figure out a lot of different ways to use chocolate sauce on my own. Mulder sundae with a cherry on top. Damn. Now I'm hot *and* hungry. No, I don't think the extreme kinks page is quite what I'm looking for. Genital jewelry strikes me as another hole in my body I really don't need. And I can just image Mulder's face if I said I wanted him to get his cock pierced. Of course, that might be an interesting use for those handcuffs... Well, I guess that's enough for now. There certainly doesn't seem to be any dirth of suggestions available. I'll have to come back here another time for more ideas. I hope I can remember the site name because there's no way I'm adding this to my bookmarks. Let me go ahead and empty my history folder before I forget. Better safe than sorry, and if Mulder found out about this little fact- finding mission, I'm not sure how safe I'd be. That man has more than enough ideas already. There. A neat, tidy little list of surprises in store. I'll just keep this handy and let the circumstances dictate my mood. Mulder's never gonna know what hit him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THE END Feedback is kept in a little shrine and worshipped daily at mimic117@yahoo.com. Visit all my fics at http://surfacing.com/mimic117/